and now I’ve seen everything

Really, Togos? Really, you're gonna have a full bar in the back?

I went today for lunch on the recommendation of the guys at work and walked in the back way, only to find myself in a seedy darkened bar getting leered at by 6 or 7 barflies who didn't seem put off by my two sizes too big pants and last night's makeup. Classy. For a split second I was panicked and contemplated running out the door the way I came in but then I remembered that I am a seasoned pro and have been in one or two bars in my day. I walked around the bar and into the light of day where my Mexican friends were bustling about behind the togos counter, ready to prepare me my delicous sandwich any way I wanted it.

Ah yes, now we're cooking with gas.

uberbored

When you begin checking out the gossip blogs because all your daily staple websites have been looked at by 9AM, you know the situation is serious.

Data I have collected this morning:

Number of slices, scrapes, and or deformities on hands alone: 6
Number of cuticles torn on hinge putting away fresh paper from office depot an hour ago: 1
Number of christmas gifts/paint CDs I have ordered for boss today: 2
Times I have gone to the bathroom to escape work: 2
Times I have refreshed yahoo mail to see if online order had come in to print: 5
Towels I forgot for spinning tonight: 1
Number of emails I am avoiding dealing with: 56
Lines I have chatted with Laura on gmail: 351
Packages that have come in via Fedex, UPS, and Office Depot: 6
Checks I have written on company account: 1
Times I wished I was still in bed: somewhere around 1,000.

picture blog number 2,096

Because I know how much everyone enjoys photos that they aren’t in and/or know none of the people involved, here is another photoblog of a memorable occasion according to me. Dave was kind enough to host a Thanksgiving party at his new place this Saturday, and if the level of drunkenness of all attendees was any indication, it was a roaring success.


The pretty babies




Right before we began to feast.







Dave making a moving toast.







This is what I consumed.




Followed by this:





The wine cozy I made to disguise the fact that the bottle I brought was $8.




Which also worked to disguise the fact that Janelle was only $8.





Me and the baby.







Plus one.




Janessa says, “Turkey makes me tingly!”




Why Dave had these napkins is beyond me. But they did demonstrate our undying love of this country in a convenient 5x5” form.




Oskar and Charlee are thankful for each other.







As the wine flowed freely, the flash began to go off every 5 seconds.








One of the rare occasions Janessa allowed herself to be photographed in Brian’s vicinity.




We spent so long trying to get the perfect picture with the port that we actually wore the battery out taking the following pictures, thus making it impossible to document the actual photo-worthy events of the rest of the evening, such as when Dave met the neighbors.











And no night would be complete without one of these.

let’s eat till our hearts explode!

There is one thing I pride myself on doing well. Well, two things. Three if you count that thing with the hula hoop and ping pong balls. But for the purposes of this blog, the thing I pride myself in above all others is my ability to pack in the vittles. And I mean pack. I can outeat a 400 pound man who was just told they restocked the cocktail shrimp at the buffet. When eating, I have the capability to completely disregard the multiple warning signs my brain sends my stomach receptors, flimsily trying to tell me to stop, please, for the love of God, stop before something gives. I'll go to the emergency room just to prove a point.

For this reason, the coming holiday season is going to kick some serious ass.

I already have two desserts in my refrigerator.

beowulf: superlame

I was just reading about the new beowulf movie and the only thing that keeps coming to mind is: "REALLY??" Seriously, Robert Zemeckis? I mean, Back to the Future is great and all, but you should have learned from that stupid Polar Express and hung up your cinematic hat. It's kind of sad that so much money was spent on the process of animating the actors to look believable when they are so (mostly) realistic looking without having hundreds of sensors pasted on their bodies to computer generate movie characters. I will, of course, never see this movie because the ten dollars for that will be better spent on booze or crickets for Shelly, but I am going to go ahead and give it two thumbs down anyway, just for pissing me off in the entertainment section of the San Jose Mercury News this morning. Shame on you if you choose to see it this weekend over the Bee Movie.

fancypants nights, shelly dreams

Two things to mention straight off the bat: the first: I have taken to drinking red wine with my dinner as of late, the second: Netflix is changing my life.

Last night I invited Laura to dine with me at chez unfinished apartment and, unable to resist the promise of nachos, she graciously accepted my invitation. Because I was expecting guests, I pulled out all the stops and not only purchased a fine Mexican blend of grated cheese, but also chopped olives, Rosarita refried beans, garlic lovers salsa, and chicken filets for our daily meat intake. I chopped the chicken into tiny chip-sized pieces and fried them up in butter (side note: chopping chicken up into too tiny portions makes them a little tough. I don't recommend it) and arranged the chips in a pleasing manner with liberal handfuls of cheese on top. They were glorious. But I feel the meal was really pulled together with the red wine we sipped in between shoveling chips into our greedy faces. You would think wine and nachos might not be a good combination, but you would be wrong.

The movie selection for the night was called Opal Dream and although I thought it was a foreign film from my foggy memory of putting into my netflix queue, I was happy to discover that I didn't have to read at all while watching, because the movie was set in Australia. It was strange, to say the least, and not a movie I would ordinarily have enjoyed but the wine helped more than a little. It was about a girl with imaginary friends who gets sick when she "loses" them and then her brother pays for their funeral with a huge opal he finds in his dad's claim. There was some other stuff, but that's the gist of it. Laura and I were shaky on the enjoyment level until we decided it was dessert time and then proceeded to split FOUR small dessert cakes because picking just one each was too difficult. The mocha triangle cake was best, followed by the chocolate mousse cake round, followed (distantly) by the black forest cake, and then the apricot tart came in at a sorrowful last place because it was almost impossible to chew/cut. But I am glad we successfully completed the dessert challenge, because I feel we are the better for it.

In other news, I may be going to Disneyland for Thanksgiving. Not having to cook + the happiest place on earth = how can you go wrong??

baby’s first rolling pin

28 years have passed and I have thus far had no need to purchase a cylinder of wood with which to roll things flat. I guess I never made a homemade pizza, tortilla, or crust up to this point. But last night, I entered a new era of my life, and luckily, my local Safeway was able to help me out in that regard. Granted, I had to pretend to evaluate my rolling pin options for far too long in order to wait for the guy talking to his 6 month old shopping cart baby as if she was ten to move out of the f-ing way, but in the end I snatched up the all wood Good Cook rolling pin and pranced out of the baking aisle, high on success. Janessa was making me a roast for dinner and I was to provide the pear tart. I had made the tart once before at Laura's, and it was so delicious and not too difficult for a baking novice like myself, so I figured why not? Cut to two hours later with me cursing at the kitchenaid which had managed to lump my pastry ball into and between the crevices of the spatula stirring thing, flour all over my face and standing in my underpants in the kitchen. Not pretty, but the tart got made. And it was glorious.

piglet viewing in 5...4...3...2...NOW

This week has been weird. This is the second day that has dragged mercilessly, and yet the week as a whole seemed to have flown by. I am trying my hardest to wait till 1 to go to the gym so that when I come back I only have an hour left before I can justify fleeing from work. And then it's piglet time! Laura and I are going hiking after work at Rancho San Antonio and although I have absolutely no reason to expect for there to be piglets, I have been buoyed throughout the day by the thought of their little pink hides waiting for me at the farm. And if there aren't any, I'm making bacon for dinner.

This is the first weekend that I have absolutely nothing planned. It's nice, but also kind of sad. I am going to need to find something to occupy large chunks of my time with, and fast.