I CAN RESIST EVERYTHING EXCEPT TEMPTATION

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

eeeeeeeeeeee

The Office season four comes out on Tuesday! Sweet Jesus, if it is not in my hot little hands by Tuesday night, I am going to throw myself on the floor, good ol' fashioned tantrum style.

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up to what's coming. And to vent about coming downstairs this morning, all ready for work, to find that my battery was completely dead. The system of checks and balances strikes again.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

cripes!

I just got internet at home after not having any form of telecom in my abode for the last year. And all I have to say is...

How in blazes did I ever go without 24-hour access to new and varied pornography? Seriously, does the internet do anything half as good?

Now if you'll excuse me...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

like mother, like daughter

A couple months ago, I got a nail trimmer for my dog. I had contemplated just using my personal nail clippers but the combined thought of the nastiness in then using them myself and the certainty that they wouldn't be big enough to get her fat claws into forced me to peruse the options at Petco. And jesus but those bastards are expensive! My choices ranged from the cheap and dirty scissor-like clippers (which I'm sure wouldn't even cut paper) to the questionable "Quick-finder" clippers that claim to make it foolproof to avoid having your dogs' paws bleeding like a virgin on prom night.

I was looking for the Pedi File, (I later learned it's called Pedi Paws, but since Janessa kept referring to it as that and I enjoy the horrible un-PCness of that brand name I will stubbornly refuse to address it by its proper name) a tool that just basically sands your dogs' nails down to oblivion without you having to cut anything. But they didn't have it, and the Oster Nail Grinding Kit sounded a little too barbaric for my tastes.

So I got these clippers but hadn't done anything with them for fear of accidentally cutting off a paw or cutting into the blood vessels, since Sheba's nails are black and I have no idea where the quick is, and am just generally inept when it comes to pet grooming. But last night after my dad's comment that Sheba looks like that man in India whose nails are all curled up inside socks, I decided to go for it.

In the end, both of us did pretty well. My strategy was to just grab and clip without spending too much time trying to decide if maybe I was cutting off too much, and her strategy was to squirm and twist and immediately eat all of the clippings that flew off as if they were made of prime beef. It was pretty disgusting, but then, she does lick her own anus.

Today is Brain's 30th birthday. Happy birthday to Brain! I just ate a biscotti in his honor.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

drumroll please...

I really hate all the work it takes to upload pictures from my camera, resize them for the web, upload them again into Photobucket, then rearrange all the html links to form a pleasing storyline so it’s not just an onslaught of disturbing and random images. But I do it because I care, and because it’s better than doing work. Please enjoy.


These first ones are from my first installment of the now finished tattoo. All of these are taken in the bathroom at E&O, where, I’m pretty sure, we are no longer allowed. Janessa was drunk. And if you don’t believe me…


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…you probably do now. Here’s baby gently removing my bandages. I’m sure this violates health codes at the restaurant.


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And here she is drying my skins after she washed me in the sink.


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Here’s what it looked like for a couple weeks till the rest of the color got filled in.


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I think this is in chronological order…but so much time has gone by, who can tell. Dave and Amy took two birthday shots of Jaeger. Nasty.


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Erica doing her best impression of a T-Rex


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And some more pictures from that party:


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I hope I made Talal do this.


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Berta was kind enough to invite us to Petroglyph. It was most of our first time, and I am more than a little ashamed of my lack of artistic flair.


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Erica organized Ladies Night at the Melting Pot in San Mateo. The food was good, but the waiter was slow. Here are the pictures at the start of the 4-hour meal.
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Okay, now on to Vegas. The ride up in the backseat of the Impala was pretty fun.


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I only got a couple from the ceremony since cameras weren’t allowed.


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And here’s the reception. Marky gave a speech I couldn’t really hear, but that’s probably a good thing since I had already cried plenty.


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I didn’t get very good shots of the cake cutting but I tried.


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The reception. I got a little more tipsy as it progressed.


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Maria took several pictures of Hector listening to Josh. Methinks I wasn’t the only tipsy one.


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They look like an ad straight out of JC Penney.


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We went to the Beauty Bar at the Old Strip after the reception, where Hector bought Chris & Jenn a shot of Patron.


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And Janessa was kind enough to take pictures of the awkwardness that was Janelle trying to get me out of my dress. Luckily I was drunk or I probably would have felt violated.


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The fauna on our trip:


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Brian relieving the gases in the position Janelle taught him.


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On the Monorail


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Going the wrong direction…


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Baby found this on the wall in our room and immediately applied it to her crotch. Oh, if only it were true…


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Janelle, my and Hector’s sleeping arrangement for this trip


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We enjoyed a delicious meal at Benihana, despite the neighboring conversation between Star Trek fans


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On the way out there was a waterfall, which you can’t see, and if you don’t think it’s embarrassing trying to re-create a scene from Flashdance on a public walkway…well it wasn’t since I had a bottle of sake to help out


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Janelle was cold because the casinos were freezing and she was slutting it up Vegas style


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On the way home, we all agreed that if Janelle was a dog, she would be a Yorshire Terrier


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And we learned the hard way that Janelle is allergic to Latex…


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A good time was had by all.


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FIN.