To preface: my birthday was fun. We went to E&O and then the loft, and I didn't really get that drunk at all. I have decided that tipsy is the best way to avoid getting in fights and vomiting all over myself, and it's been working out pretty well for me so far. I really don't have too many pictures from that night because Laura was the one taking most of them with her camera, and since getting anything technology related out of her is harder than getting Janessa to keep her drink upright after she's four in, I don't expect to have those any time soon.
Laura and me at E&O
Hector and my eyeball...a not so uncommon photo occurence for me
Me and baby
Me, Janess, and Berta. You can see my "Tyra" eyelashes. I didn't realize they were so stumpy
So that's it for those pictures. Now for this weekend. I didn't go out Friday and probably wouldn't have Saturday either except that we were celebrating Dave's birthday (a week early...some people like to get the party started prematurely). He had decided that we were to be living it up at Blinky's Can't Say, a bar in Franklin Mall in Santa Clara. Now, I lived down the street from this bar for ten years and during that entire time, I always wanted to go in and experience what I only imagined would be the epitome of dive bar-ness. With a name like that (the origin and meaning is a mystery that will forever be unsolved in my mind) I could only assume that it would be fantastic. So, finally, I would be going inside.
The first thing I noticed upon entering was that it was pretty clean. Strike one for Blinky's claim to dive fame. Second, it was filled with far too many people who didn't look like they had led a life of drug abuse and felony. Mind you, there were some, but not as many as I had expected. Third, the bartender was the same cross-eyed woman from another beloved dive, the Poinciana. Blinky's, you're gaining ground! I ordered a beer from the bartender after first making her aware that I was a seasoned bargoer and shaking her hand (Hector said she was giving me horny eyes and staring at my tits, but of course, given her condition, she was most likely attempting to focus on my face and he was just mistaking horny for detached retinas). Then on to the second great discovery of the night. There was a claw machine against the wall of the bar. Exciting? Yes. But it doesn't end there. Inside the claw machine, amidst the smiling stuffed faces of cows, tigers, bears, and dogs, there were TWO DVDs boasting ginormous cocks and the women who loved them. Porn. In the claw machine. Genius! After Janessa, Brian, Berta, and Adam arrived, it was on. All told, when the night was over, I would say the guys put at least $50 into that machine trying to get one or both of those DVDs. Of course, they failed. But we ended up with a cow, a pink dog, a tiger, a dodger ball, a g-string, a penis candle, and fuzzy slippers, so it wasn't a total bust. We also met Laurie, another patron who came up to show the boys how it was done and proceeded to jam her hips into the machine when it was lowered, which amazingly resulted in her winning a prize almost every time. She's my hero. My favorite outcome of that was seeing Brian and Hector also humping the machine in the hopes of winning that porn. Laurie gave her winnings to me and Berta, to our utter bliss. We then proceeded to strap the penis candle to the cow, shove the g-string on the dog, and take numerous pictures of the two in compromising positions. This was endlessly amusing, and I wasn't even drunk. The lesson here: give a group of so-called adults the smallest opportunity, and they quickly degenerate to high school mentality. Glorious.
I don't remember what Janessa was saying but I think this picture is funny
Me and the birthday boy
Janess and me at Blinky's. She is wasted.
Another kissy face photo
Berta posing with her dog
My cow was supposed to be higher
Me and Berta in what is now becoming an automatic pose
The slippers being won by Brian
Laurie working her magic
Laurie and Brian posing with the winnings
Hector winning the tiger he had been eyeing. He gave it to Laurie though because she said she had wanted it for a long time. Bye bye tiger!
Bonafide porn
The dog and cow before they were tainted
Brian posing in his hard-earned slippies. He wore them the rest of the night
Brain thrusting his hips violently into the machine. I'm shocked we weren't kicked out
And again
And now for the nasty.
Yeah
Uh huh
Work it, baby
That's the way they like it
We gave them cigarettes afterwards.
So that was my weekend. Berta, don't forget that I made you a frog out of your twenty dollar bill. I hope it didn't get lost somewhere. There was quite a bit of drunkenness going on. I also hope that Dave made it home safely, since last I left him he had no ride home and we were all supposed to meet at the Cluck U Chicken that turned out to be closed. Rather than feasting on the cheese fries that I was informed were awaiting me, I was forced to eat two and a half cheese quesadillas. The sacrifices I make each and every day.
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