coral lipstick. check. wife beater. check. now where the hell are my press-on nails???

Putting together a costume to dress like a trashy crackwhore from the trailers is a lot harder than it sounds. Looking through my closet, I was surprised to discover that I actually had NOTHING that would suffice to wear. That is equal parts upsetting/relieving. I now have to buy things, and buying things is hard work.

I went to Longs last night and was very displeased to discover that gone are the days where Lee proudly displayed their mulitpacks of press on nails in every hue under the sun. I went hoping for gold and was lucky to find one almost hidden pack of maroon. This will not do. Yeah, I could just buy and paint the french manicure ones they have on display by the hundreds, but now it has become a private battle to find the last standing pack of gold or otherwise offensive press on nails at a retail store. Watch out, Rite Aid, I'm coming for you tonight.