you ought to be ashamed of yourself

I meant to write this Friday, but was too lazy and tired to do it. Plus these days, by the end of the week, my fingers are curled and bent from five day's worth of carpal tunnel and I can use my right hand for little more than clutching my first post-work Screwdriver. Thankfully I am ambidextrous when it comes to drinking, and if worse comes to worst I can skip the worry altogether and get my alcohol hands-free with a straw.

So. Here I am with semi-fresh tendons at the start of a new week, but still bitter about Friday's turn of events. I'm talking, of course, about my trusted financial institution going under. I knew Washington Mutual was in trouble, but I had no idea things would happen so quickly and how much it would piss me off. I mean, there's a reason I chose WaMu (and I shorten their name with regret -- I'm against all silly corporation nicknames in general but laziness prevails here) as the organization to safeguard my massive fortune. Wells Fargo horribly screwed up my checking about five years ago, and I figured any bank with free checking AND free smiles was worth holding onto my monthly net profit of $3.47.

But people have proven me right once again with their stupidity, and this time, it's affected me. A couple weeks ago when news of WaMu's instability got out, the idiots flooded the banks and immediately withdrew gargantuan amounts of money, preferring to horde their savings in their homes rather than trusting the FDIC and the bank to protect their money. Now, I understand that amounts over 100K would not be insured if the bank went under and no one stepped up to buy the accounts, so it makes sense to spread your money around should you be lucky enough to have that much to need to protect. But for the rest of us hard-working, middle class bank customers, running to Washington Mutual to pull out all of your savings results in only one possible outcome: you are speeding along the very effect you're so worried about! Over a ten-day period, the very same people who bought generators, duct tape, and plastic sheeting after September 11th took out their life savings from Washington Mutual and stashed it in safes, lockboxes, and cookie jars throughout their houses, collectively withdrawing over 16 billion dollars. The end result? WaMu no longer has the money to back up their debts and they go out of business. Congratulations, panic stricken Americans, you were right all along. Meanwhile, all the smart burglars out there are casing your house and getting ready to steal that money that was so unsafe at the bank but will never be noticed behind the peas and under the ice cube tray in the freezer. Real smart.

The thing I'm most annoyed about in all this is that now I have to remember all the things I have electronically debited from my account and at some point in the future, change this over to either my new account with JP Morgan (who I am worried don't offer smiles for free) or my old account at the credit union. Washington Mutual, rest in peace. I enjoyed you while you lasted.