Resolutions for the New Year and other ways to feel like a failure by January 2nd

I've never really made New Year's Resolutions, (at least never with the intention of keeping them) preferring instead in past years to live through the ultimate failures of others'. Most people I know resolve to start working out in the New Year, figuring that for some reason once the dawn breaks Jan 1, they will open their bloodshot eyes after a few hours of drunken sleep and be able to resist the urge that had gotten the better of them the past 365 days and exercise rather than sleeping in and eating ho-hos for breakfast. This resolution only results in inevitable disappointment, because really the new year is no different than the last one and a new stretch of 12 months ahead of you doesn't take away the fact that you are a lazy slob. This, however, doesn't stop people from buying gym memberships and crowding my weekly yoga and spinning classes for the first few weeks of the year. Without fail though, by February everything is back to normal, restoring my faith in man's inability to stick with it.

This year I think I will try out a few resolutions that I'm pretty sure I can keep. This will not only boost my confidence and ability to follow through, but will make me look better than everyone else when, come February, I am still riding high on my accomplishments.

My New Year's Resolutions, 2009 Edition

1. I will slowly stop working out and will let the fat resume its hold of my ass and thighs.
2. I will eat more beef.
3. I will squander my paychecks on items I can't account for later and will barely be able to make my rent payments with the balance.
4. I will be more anxious.
5. I will spend at least one hour of every day wasting my life away.
6. I will not pursue a more financially rewarding career.
7. I will purchase more fabric and stow it away in various places in my closet, vowing to sew "projects" that will never get completed.
8. I will incorporate cheese into at least 85% of my weekly food intake.
9. I will not have a nice round number of resolutions.

Already I am ahead! 2009 is promising to be a very good year.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year's Eve. After this we've got at least six weeks of no holidays. Adios, 2008!

end of november to remember (in bits and pieces)

A week late, but here are some pictures taken from the second annual Thanksgiving 2 at Dave’s house. Or maybe there were more than two but that’s how many I’ve attended. Most of these pictures I remember taking, but things started getting a little fuzzy towards the end there.

So let it begin…

The first shot of the night: the host (Dave) and Hector, relaxing while all the guests filtered in.





Hector and I before dinner…but not before I had a couple glasses of wine.








Erica being cute.





Dave and Brian, then Dave, Erica and Brian on the couch.








Janessa and Erica taking a picture, while I take a picture of them. Always delightful and flattering.





Not sure when these were taken so I’ll just put ‘em here:











Me and the baby.





Taken during dinner…











Taken after dinner (I think)























And here’s where I started to lose time.























We danced to “Sandstorm” for the entire song. I don’t know how it started, or why, but I do know that it would have been extremely embarrassing if I could remember it. For some reason, dancing in a living room to the shock and horror of friends is always a good idea after a bottle of wine.











It’s a shame Thanksgiving is but once a year. Thank God there’s December to help ease the pain.

flat turnovers, and the good luck continues

I said bunny rabbit yesterday. So why is the second day of my good-luck month already filled with disappointment and shame?

I actually remembered to say it this month, after maybe 6 months of forgetting to, before saying anything else like "Look, I'm still alive!" or "Hector, please tell me that's Sheba's nose between my butt cheeks" first thing upon waking up every first of the month. Because everyone knows that speaking anything before "Bunny Rabbit" on that day will ruin your chances of happiness and fortune for the month. Or so my mother tells me. But although I said it, I certainly don't feel any luckier yet.

For example, if this is going to be a good month, then why did Sheba take a crap on my kitchen table? Why, instead of getting over my cold, does my head seem to be filling up with more mucus than my body should be able to produce at an alarming rate which makes my voice sound like Gus Gus on Disney's Cinderella? Why were all the treadmills taken last night at the gym? Why did the free pastries and coffee this morning induce horrid cramping and several restroom trips, on top of the ones already caused by the pains in my ovaries? And why, after eagerly microwaving my leftover mushroom turnovers for a pre-lunch, post-breakfast treat, did I open the door to discover 5 tiny flattened crescents with soggy crusts?

I know in the grand scheme of things, this isn't as bad as, say, getting trampled to death at Wal Mart on Black Friday, but sometimes these little injuries add up.

I guess things could be worse. I could be Sheba.