what the hell

I just tried to upload my pictures on my memory stick from Maria's wedding. For some reason, they copied from my computer as two files each, one truncated one and one that looks kind of like it's supposed to be a jpg but isn't. If this is the way they are on my computer at home, I am going to be very pissed. Because those bitches are erased from my camera already. Oh I am angry.

In other news, I was in my robe when we had that earthquake yesterday. It made me think about what I would do if the apartments came crashing down and I was all alone, pretty much naked when it happened. Boy would that have been embarrassing.

I'm going to see Tiger Army tonight! Yippee!

like a chicken with its head cut off

I thought once I finished school I would have all this extra time to relax and cultivate my budding potbelly, but it turns out that my dreams of lounging on my couch and sipping wine coolers will have to wait. This past week has flown by, and I think I have spent a total of 5 or 6 hours a day at home, and those reserved just for sleeping. Maria is getting married tomorrow, and in addition to the general prep I needed to do for being a bridesmaid, I also am still scrambling to get a costume together for the reception. For like the past three years, I have been trying to coerce/persuade someone else to go with me as this:



But, to no avail. This year, Janessa FINALLY agreed to do it and with my new skills in design, I promised to make the dresses myself (only less innocent, more uberslut). About two months ago, I bought matching pink and blue wigs. And then did nothing else until this week. Unfortunately, Sunday, Janessa tried on her wig. After ten minutes of squealing, tugging, yanking, and crying, we discovered that her massive head will not accomodate a wig, even with the adorable wig cap to encase the hair and ease wig application. Fuck. As you can tell by the picture, the cornerstone of these costumes is the hair. I figured I would proceed as planned and start making the dresses, and worry about shoving Janessa's head into some hair when the time came. My friend Autumn had helped me make the pattern for the dress the week before, so I didn't think I would have all that much left to do, but when I made the sample I discovered that it was ten inches too big around the empire line. Woops.

Long story short, I got a call from Janessa the next day that boiled down to "can't find a wig to fit my head, going as a bat". I made the executive decision to bravely continue my quest to be a twin star (read: had already spent WAY too much money/time on this concept) and finally finished my dress to fit me Wednesday night. I bought the shoes last night and still need to sew on some buttons, but otherwise we are good to go. The only problem is I don't know if I want to be just one of the little twin stars. I photoshopped Janessa's head onto a picture of the other twin star and wrote R.I.P under it so maybe people will get it, but I am beginning to have doubts. I have butterfly wings as a backup, but I have been that damn butterfly like three years now.

So I have two choices. I can be the pseudo-innocent pink little twin star in a homemade dress, wings and beige flats. Or, I could be a semi-slutty blue butterfly in rhinestones, huge false eyelashes, and stilettos. Irony, or true to form? Only time will tell.

good news, bad news, rain, and a dead squirrel

Yesterday, to my shock and happiness, I learned that the Psychology teacher I took my challenge test with last week found the mercy in her heart to let me pass with a C, thus allowing me to skip out on that final gen ed requirement and also save about $1,600. This made me giddy with excitement, not only because I know for certain that I did not deserve that C, but because this means I will for once and for all be done with that school, and finally get my little degree thingie that shows I busted my ass raw for the last year and a half. Hooray.

(I am understating the excitement I felt when I learned I wouldn't have to deal with getting refund general ed units anymore at this school. I mean I was really pleased).

To counteract this happy news, because god knows I need the balance in my life, I have spent the last three days exchanging phone calls with the post office about the fact that they have decided to ignore my mail forwarding and just return everything to the senders. If you have never had to deal with the local post office before, then you are lucky, because these bastards just couldn't care less about whether you are receiving your credit card offers in a timely manner. The other day I talked to a woman who basically told me that while she would TAKE a message, she probably wouldn't deliver it. Snatch. And then I got an angry call this morning from a guy who was mad that I called the 1-800 number to complain that they weren't fixing things at the local office. I hope he got in trouble. After all the back and forth, the long and short of it is that I am SOL and if I really want this resolved, I need to get a copy of the front of the returned mail so they can see who signed for it and where. The only nice thing about all this is that I have an excuse for why I haven't paid my medical bill from July yet.

More good news: it's getting easier to sweat through a full hour of spinning without feeling like I'm going to vomit up my lunch. Last night Laura and I managed not to break our butts, and although I had a coughing fit after it was all over and my face looked like a tomato, another week is behind us. As a special treat, Janessa cooked up a delicious feast of TWO kinds of enchiladas, tacos, refried beans, and spanish rice. I made a spritzle and managed to get fairly tossed after two glasses of it. So much for the workout.

can I apply for handicapped parking?

A couple months back when I was moving, I smashed my thumb really nicely in the hinge of the front door of my apartment. It bled. I cried silently. It stopped bleeding, and I forgot about it.

For some reason, that nail has decided to become deformed. I just noticed it last week: a thin nail shell has started growing over the original nail bed. This is troubling. I looked up the meaning of this online and to my dismay discovered that this new pathetic nail is my damaged nail's attempt to cover itself, and that it most likely is going to fall off altogether. Eee! I panic easily, and this time was no exception. Luckily, my uncle claims to have had this happen to him several times and he said to just file away the new weakly nail covering and keep trimming it until it grows out. Of course, nails grow excrutiatingly slowly and I have intense OCD and can't stop picking at it. I have tried covering it with a bandaid to avoid the problem but I can feel its desire to be picked through the flexible latex rubber layer and it's only a matter of time before I cave and rip it off to begin furiously peeling and scraping. I don't know if it's all the filing, but the real nail underneath has started to become misshapen. Dear lord save me from myself.

mistakes were made

I took the Psychology challenge test last night. After frantically attempting to learn Psych on the internet for three hours. While coughing up my lungs. On my teacher's computer. During a lame-o "deep" psychological intro film. In a darkened classroom. I'll be brief.

I totally failed.

While the teacher was skimming my test after I was done, I heard comments like "oh dear" and "hmmm" and "did you make this up?" and even, to my deep shame, a few chuckles. It's always nice to hear that someone thinks you're creative. But when this adjective is accompanied by a somewhat patronizing back pat, when you have just spent an hour and a half attempting to sound convincingly intelligent, it is a bit crushing to the ego. Which, from my cramming yesterday, I learned lies in the subconscious. But I scored 80% or above on all of the chapter quizzes on allpsych.com! And I managed to learn 8 chapters of material in a few hours!! Does this count for nothing? Apparently, since I did not know that Carl Jung came up with the theory of meaningful coincidence when a patient was describing a dream about a scarab and a beetle flew into the room. I expected some general multiple choice, maybe a couple short paragraph answers. But what I got was 20 open-ended questions on really specific theories or events in the history of Psychology. So yeah, I made things up. Cross my fingers that my "creativity" got me a C or better.

i’m sickly

and at work. Poor me. I don't know who got me sick and I don't want to point any fingers, but all I will say is that Janessa is at least a day ahead in this sickness than I am. So. There's that.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Columbus Day. I know I did. I coughed and snotted my way across town as I ran the errands I should have run this weekend but didn't because I spent hours in traffic in SF trying to look at the blue angels thousands of feet above me in between eucalyptus leaves. But I did get to see and touch a ferret.

Now I need to study for a Psychology challenge test so I can get $2,000 back from school. I've never taken psych but considering the quality of general ed at Brooks, I'm pretty sure I can pass it with my limited knowledge of Pavlov and the superego and the kama sutra. There's gotta be a site on the internet that will teach me everything I need to know by tomorrow night. Right? Sure.

I have a headache THIS big...

I've had a low-level headache for about a week now. I think it's because of the increased workouts and decreased sleep, but I haven't really field tested this theory. I only know the two year-expired advil in the office isn't doing a thing to take it away, so I might have to switch to alternate methods before the day is out. Do you think I would look as stupid as this woman vigorously rubbing a stick of menthol on my head? I just need to find my white eyeshadow to highlight my delicious brow bones.