I CAN RESIST EVERYTHING EXCEPT TEMPTATION

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

life's a pretty sweet fruit...

...but not this week.

I've been feeling under the weather this week, which has made me sluggish and a little slow on the uptake. It's worked out ok so far, since I left early yesterday and only worked half-day on Monday. But things are definitely not right. My brain is fuzzy and I'm pretty sure I ate moldy muffins this morning. I can't wait for this afternoon when the most adventurous I plan on being is when I dress Sheba up in her reindeer costume and make her pose by the christmas tree, snapping pictures like my life depends on it while she quivers in fear and tries to scrape her antlers off on the floor.

An example of my week thus far:
An hour ago, I noticed a large-ish spider crawling up my left cubicle wall. I immediately grabbed my stapler, came up behind it, and smashed it within an inch of its life. Unfortunately, I had my pinky under the business end of the stapler as I smashed, and in the process of killing my enemy, I managed to get about half an inch of staple lodged straight into the fatty part of my poor pinky.

As I pulled it out and unleashed the bloodstorm, I couldn't help but gloat in my pain. Sure, I may have foolishly punctured myself with the Swingline Professional Plus Series, but that same staple would have killed a lesser being. Such as the spider. So I win.

= 1

= 1


= 0 = 0

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pamela, heal thyself

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Monday, November 10, 2008

ernie and bert...tight skirt

Saturday night, Laura and I went to see the Faint at the Warfield in SF. Laura had never really listened to their music so she didn't know what she was getting herself into, but we were both in for a surprise when the second opener turned out to be Kool Keith, accompanied by MC Ultra and DJ Doom. Um. Correct me if I'm wrong, but they primarily dabble in the "Rap" genre, yes? And the Faint is generally classified as new wave/dance punk/electronica-ish? The two go together like gum and peanuts (together at last!) and it was extremely apparent when almost immediately the high-energy vibe of the crowd turned to "wtf?" and then "seriously?" followed by "oh my god what the hell must have happened to the real second act for these guys to get sent out here?" Hands that were in the air like they just didn't care slowly lowered, and the number of standing members of the audience dwindled to just a solo white girl attempting to "get down" all by herself.

Laura and I just laughed throughout their entire 45 minute set.

Honest to god lyrics and smooth harmony:
MC Ultra: "Ernie and Bert! Tight skirt!"
Kool Keith: "Uh! ... Uh! ... Yeah!"

Other subject matter for the set were the story of How the First Album Was Stolen and then Abandoned... Newer, Better Album is Born, and We Like Sex. A Lot. And then we were lectured for 5 minutes on the importance of wearing condoms. Worst. Openers. Ever. But, they did make the eventual appearance of The Faint all that much more titillating, so keep on rockin', guys!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Post #100, holy shit it's Election Day

So...today's the big day. I voted this morning at 7AM, did you? You better have. And right away, I was scared. Why? Because the volunteers running the polling place didn't exactly instill confidence in me that the most important job they're not getting paid for of their lives was going to be carried out successfully. As I was waiting in line in the freezing cold for half an hour, I had ample time to read the rules and rights we voters have. So, when I was finally inside, and a young-ish woman went up next to me as I was receiving my ballot explaining that she had made a mistake and could she please have another ballot, I knew this was within her rights to get it. However, the white-haired retiree who she was facing did not seem to have read that bulletin on the teacher's lounge wall. She took the ballot and immediately began screeching, "What do I do? This young woman's spoiled her ballot. SPOILED IT! What to do??" Finally, one of the other workers explained that she was to allowed to mess up three times (sweet jesus) before she could finally be denied a replacement ballot. Fine. The poor embarrassed woman walked off with her unspoiled ballot, presumably to go sit for another ten minutes making damn sure she didn't write outside the lines again. But that wasn't the worst. When I went back to drop off my ballot, the same confused volunteer was now shrieking because she could not find that "spoiled" ballot. Mother of God. This is probably happening all over the country.

I'm gonna need a drink tonight to calm my nerves as I attempt to track the results without TV. This election has become kind of a beacon of hope for a lot of people, and while a change in the White House may not do all that we want it to, at least it would be a start. I really think one of the most important outcomes, should Obama win, would be the restoration of at least an iota of respect for America overseas. And that is huge. Cause in case you haven't noticed people, we have no credibility in other countries. I know there's nothing I can do to stop whatever's going to happen at this point, but I'm more than a little afraid. Because clearly we can't trust people to make the right decisions, or to use reason or good judgment, and that's frightening.

But hey, Krispy Kreme is giving away free donuts in the shape of stars today. So if McCain does win, I can always start in on the diabetes. And follow it up with a nice helping of ice cream, courtesy of Ben & Jerry's.

Monday, November 3, 2008

rock the vote...but only if you're gonna rock it my way

WARNING: Things are about to get political.

So tomorrow is Election Day, and usually I am pretty apathetic about things like exercising the right granted to me by the 19th amendment, mostly because of my increasingly cynical world view, but also because I live in a state overwhelmingly supportive of the candidate I would vote for anyway. During the first election I was eligible to vote, my philosophy was that my vote would be canceled by my boyfriend at the time’s anyway, so if neither of us got off our asses then the scales would remain in balance. After voting for the first time 4 years ago, the election turned out so f-ed up that I vowed never to vote again, reason being if you had enough money and power you could override the system to suit your needs and my vote made not one bit of difference.

But.

This time, regardless of the fact that California’s electoral votes are going to Obama whether I vote or not, notwithstanding my severe reservations that anything can save our country from the downward, self-destructing spiral we’ve been in for the past 7 years, and despite the possibility that I am setting myself up for major disappointment yet again, I am going to vote tomorrow because damned if I am going to say I did nothing to prevent the country I live in (for now, we’ll see what happens after tomorrow) from being handed over to a near-senile old man and his psychobitch running mate. For the first time, I feel like even if I don’t get the results I want, if I do nothing to affect the outcome either way, I will be a useless turd and will have no right to complain when I’m standing in line for my watered-down cabbage soup next year.

Another reason I am voting tomorrow is to attempt to prevent California from making the mistake of becoming a bigoted asshole like the Midwest. I can’t believe Proposition 8 has even made it on the ballot, let alone that it may actually pass. To attempt to force one’s views on another is what I thought this country was against in the most basic of principles? I don’t care if you don’t believe that two people of the same sex should be married, what gives you the right to make other people adhere to your moral rules? Banning gay marriage is not going to make people straight. We’ve come way too far to even have to justify this point. I’m ashamed that there are still so many people living in this state, in this day, where we are supposed to be so forward-thinking and setting examples for the rest of the nation, out there in the rain waving signs about keeping marriage sacred and using scare tactics to appeal to the parents who are terrified that their little Melanie is going to be taught to be a dyke in kindergarten because Prop 8 didn’t pass. Just ridiculous. So…yeah, I’m voting against that.

Anyway, vote tomorrow. Unless you want to be a useless turd. And unless you’re planning on voting for McCain. In that case, stay home, cause you’ve probably got to watch your stories anyway.