I put off cooking that nasty pork loin for as long as possible. I reasoned that it was, after all, vacuum sealed and so it would last longer than a pork loin fresh from the butcher. And since it was from Hormel, I couldn't even be sure that it was technically pork in the first place, rather than "pork composite".
I attempted to recruit others to share in my bountiful loin, acting reluctant to split up the gifts that had been bestowed upon me by the pork gods. When there were no takers, I resorted to pleading and bribery. As in, "if you come over, I'll make sure you are fully supplied with libations" and "are you sure? There's gonna be cookies!"
However, when all was said and done, I had a vacuum sealed pork composite loin to eat all to myself and had no idea how to cook it. The last time I ate one of these (because Hector so thoughtfully purchased two), it was barbecued and not very tasty. It had a weird texture that no meat should have and was surrounded by a "lean" layer of fat that I am now fairly certain was created to add to the illusion that what you're eating is actually from an animal.
The first night, I ate the loin as nature intended, unadorned with a side of broccoli and cauliflower. The second night, I had to spruce it up and used it as a topping on my homemade pizza. The third night, again I just shoveled the sliced loin into my mouth without accoutrement because I had no time to prepare a fancy meal for one. And now, at lunch, I just successfully polished off the last of my pork loin masked in chicken fried rice. It took all week, but I did it America! Now if only I would use my powers for good instead of evil.
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