what you don't want to wake up to in the middle of the night

is the sound of shattering glass and screeching tires. It's not pleasant, and it gets the heart racing. Last night as I was busy dreaming of unicorns and cheeseburgers, I was awakened by just such a sound coming from the parking lot outside my window. I'm not startled by loud noises in the complex anymore, as I've had to endure 4AM blarings of the Cure by my neighbors (accompanied by strained and tone-deaf singing), post last call domestic arguments lasting for hours, and various assholes using the straight and mostly empty road the apartment fronts on as a way to test the maximum speeds of their impalas. But last night was different. I jolted out of bed and ran to my window in time to see a large dark SUV speeding away out of the parking lot next to mine. I'm on the third floor so I had the perfect vantage point to spy from. I've used it numerous times to check that my car wasn't being stolen and to judge the woman who brings her two kids home from god knows where at midnight at least twice a week.

A few people came out of their apartments after all this happened. I heard some screaming, and the kids who initially got to go look at the commotion were quickly rushed inside. Then more people came out and looked pretty upset, which was really disturbing since I had no idea who/what was crashed into and couldn't see very well, given that it was dark and there was a fence separating my parking lot and theirs. But I kept staring, and finally noticed that where there should have been a window and wall at the corner of the apartments, there was now just a gaping hole. A hole! That stupid SUV had somehow slammed into the side of the apartment, into someone's bedroom, and obliterated their window and corner wall. Just imagine, you're sleeping soundly in your bed, not a care in the world, and all of a sudden a Suburban comes to tuck you in. I am amazed that no one got hurt. Except, I hope, for the driver of that SUV.

I looked today and couldn't find any mention of this in the paper. Maybe "San Jose Man High on PCP Demolishes Tykes Bedroom with Escalade, Ruining Winnie the Pooh Lamp" wasn't an intriguing enough of a story for the Mercury News this morning. But I sure am glad they did that shocking exposé of why teens drop out of school in our county. Who knew pregnancy and gym class don't mix?